I wish someone would have told me this a long time ago. I think that this concept holds the power to change everything. For me, this concept means that no matter what stage you are at in life – it will always be 50% positive and 50% negative. It was that way in undergrad, med school, residency, marriage, motherhood – all half good and half not so good.
Let this sink in.
It means no matter what accomplishment I attain – life will not change. It will always be 50/50. No matter how hard I work, how far I climb, how many hours I put in – life is still 50/50.
Wow – that is a game changer.
At first, I was a little depressed when I grasped this concept. This means, nothing is better when I make it to the next level. Yes, circumstances changed as I advanced in my career, but there were and still are positive and negative aspects to my life. I made it through the hoops. Yet, when I got through each one, there was not this amazing shower of happiness that descended upon me.
Now I understand why.
I was waiting for the new circumstance in my life to change how I felt. I thought making it through residency and starting my first job would take away the pain I felt when one of my patients died or increasing my paycheck would change the struggle to manage a family and a marriage. All of these things that I wished for, dreamt of and counted down days until – I thought would make everything better and bring fulfillment.
If I would have been told this a long time ago, I would have done it differently.
I would take each day as it is and realize that it all happens inside of my mind. Everything I am seeking to change, I have the power to live into at any point in my life. I have always had this power – we all have it. I did not know I had this power, so I lived my life allowing events, circumstances and others to hold my power while I waited for the degree, the job or having my third child to change things for me.
If I would have been told this, I would tell all those around me that everything they ever need to be happy – they have right now. Not much changes when you make it to the other side of the goal – life is still 50/50. The ride to get there is the best part and knowledge brings me comfort and power.
Now, I am in the driver’s seat as I am not waiting for something to happen that will change my life – I now create it. I know that the process to create it will be half good and half bad — but the negative makes the positive so much richer and amazing. I am not waiting for the next finish line. I take in the positives and cherish them and honor them. I take the negatives in stride knowing that I am growing stronger with each failure or setback. All along the way I am relishing in the person I am becoming.
I have been where you are - I had always chosen stay on the same safe path. Then, one day, I believed in myself enough and that I was worth it enough to finally start listening to the inner voice that had been calling to me to take a huge leap into the unknown, to bet on myself with so much might - that I could be my most important patient and make any dream a reality. It is amazing to follow your inner voice and dream big.